I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
