I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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