my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
