I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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