I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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