Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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