Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
