It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
