We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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