When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
