so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
