just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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