You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
