she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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