Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
