I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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