So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
