Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
