Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
