I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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