bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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