glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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