either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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