Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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