how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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