I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
