We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
