Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
