her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
