Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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