No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
