i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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