I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
