Are we in a gay sports bar?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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