just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
