The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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