I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
