Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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