Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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