aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
