I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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