Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
