I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
