based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
