One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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