You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
