totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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