What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Success! We fucked roommates!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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