I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
