you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
