Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
