nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
