Jerry, you need to find god
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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