he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
