she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am available for nakedness
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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