So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
