Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
