I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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