I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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