Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize