i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
