clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
