The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
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