why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's shark week go big or go home
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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