i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
