Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
